Polly really wanted a cracker

"I feel like people want me to die, because it would be the classic rock n' roll story."
-- Kurt Cobain, 8/92 (Cobain Dossier, p. 41)

Kurt Donald Cobain was born on February 20, 1967, in Hoquaim, Seattle; his family moved to Aberdeen when he was six months old. Cobain's childhood was a happy one by many accounts - he remembered being joyful, his parents were infatuated with him, and his aunts & uncles were captivated by his artistic talent - not to mention his unique personality in general. His parents divorced when he was 8 years old; some say that was what turned his life around for the worse, but others insist things sloped downward beforehand. Kurt claims in 1974 he got a lump of coal for Christmas and was devastated. Family members also say that his mother incessantly yelled at him for trivial things which left Kurt sobbing like a baby, and in fact Don - despite what Kurt's mother, Wendy, has continually claimed - may have been more civil toward Kurt than her. Additionally, Wendy stated Kurt's infamous poem on his room wall - "I hate mom, I hate dad. Dad hates mom, mom hates dad.." - was evidence of the impact the divorce had on him. In actuality, he wrote this months before his parents split. Kurt would also later tell his close friend Dylan Carlson that living with Wendy's new boyfriend, a "mean, huge wife-beater", was more psychologically damaging than the divorce beforehand. (WKKC?, p. 8-9) Either way, he was subsequently shuffled from home to home, parent to parent, and relative to relative.

"Kurt didn't fit the general mold of society in a logging town, and so he was beaten up on by people who didn't understand him." -- Kurt's uncle Larry (WKKC?, p. 22)

He had great trouble fitting in with kids his age throughout grade school; the jocks were simple-minded rednecks, the nerds were retarded and didn't like music, and the stoners were idiots. The potheads did like some of the same music he did, however, which became an incentive to hang out with them. From the Mickey Mouse drum set his mother, Wendy, bought him at age 4 to the bass drum his Aunt Mary gave him at age 7, he proudly marched down the street giving the neighbors daily headaches and pissing off the redneck Aberdonians he hated - music became a permanent staple in Kurt's life from an early age. His Uncle Chuck bought him a used six-string Lindell guitar for his fourteenth birthday, and in 1984 when he went to a Black Flag show he was, in his own words, "instantly converted" to punk rock.

Kurt had moved to his father's house when he could no longer tolerate Wendy and the "paranoid schizophrenic" -Wendy's own description of her first boyfriend post-Don - and for a while they got a long great. It was just before he turned 11 that Don decided to remarry. Kurt would never adapt to living with this new family, overtaken by jealousy and frustration over what he saw as betrayal by his father. He began using drugs at an early age, one of the other few things he held onto throughout his existence. He started smoking pot in the ninth grade. It'd be terribly inaccurate to say pot was a gateway drug for him. He had some violent tendencies, was still somewhat hyperactive as he had been as a kid, and was in pain for a long time. Drugs were simply the easiest way to soothe his nerves. Some believe Kurt's taking Ritalin as a kid to subdue what was perceived to be an inordinate amount of energy he had was something that made him more prone to hard drugs, while others insist his taking of the medication was very brief and would not have amounted to any significant impact on his psyche.

Today, many believe he was nothing more than a suicidal junkie who threw everything away, leaving his wife and daughter to pick up the pieces of their lives without him. Many have pinned the blame on heroin. Others, such as Krist Novoselic, said that "smack was just a small part of his life." Faith No More's Roddy Bottum said, "I think drugs tampered with his life, but they weren't as huge a part of his life as people make it out to be."

After forming Nirvana and eventually recording Bleach with Sub Pop Records for $606.17 - and subsequently playing a very successful, while simultaneously grueling tour - he was on the brink of stardom when signing with Geffen Records. Here, Nirvana recorded Nevermind in May and June of 1991, an album to be released on 9/24/91, which would be the record to finally knock Michael Jackson's Thriller out Billboard's #1 spot in the week of 1/11/92 and proceed to sell over 10 million units. It remains one of the best-selling albums ever. Not to be caught up in any of the corporate ass-kissing, Nirvana got kicked out of their own album release party on Friday the 13th of September after Krist and Kurt started a food fight.

Many things went up for Cobain - his wealth, popularity, and heroin use were among them. He initially amused himself by lying to journalists in interviews - once getting the press to believe he was a narcoleptic in order to offer a quick answer as to why he slept so sporadically - but toying with them would come back to haunt him as he'd later say members of the media "abused" and "betrayed" him. A key turning point in that relationship may have been Lynn Hirschberg's Vanity Fair article, "Strange Love", which - among other things - accused Courtney of using heroin while she knew she was pregnant. What should be of at least some importance here, however, is this:

"They [Kurt & Courtney] consulted a teratogenic (birth defects) specialist who informed them that heroin use, especially if confined to the first trimester, was virtually harmless to the fetus if the mother's withdrawal wasn't too traumatic...Amazing but true." -- CAYA, p. 244

Then again, she didn't know that when she was using. Some, including Hank Harrison, point out that overlooked issues may have been Courtney's alleged smoking and drinking which could have done some real damage to the then-unborn child. That's an issue for another story. The article also hinted that Courtney introduced Kurt to heroin, spawning the still prevalent myth that she had turned him into a junkie.

Getting back on topic: Kurt never enjoyed fame - at least he said so in some interviews. Nirvana continued to tour and record, working hard, so some of his claims about hating fame appeared contradictory to some:

"He hated going to award shows, and he didn't always like being recognized, but he worked very hard to get nominated for those awards shows, and he worked very hard to be recognized." -- Danny Goldberg (HTH, p. 247)

Additionally:

"There was surprise, too, that a man apparently dedicated to the slacker lifestyle had met his end while living the yuppie dream in a $1.5 million mansion in the most exclusive part of Seattle...he expressed loathing of his fame by commenting angrily on the conceits of rock stars while indulging those conceits all the more." -- Sanford, p. 13-14

He even enraged his band mates by demanding a larger share of Nirvana royalties - more than double what he previously had - for not only future Nirvana albums but also retroactive for sales of Nevermind. Predictably, many pinned this incident on Courtney Love as well.

Nirvana ended a break and began touring again, soon returning to Europe, but at the same time he really did seem to begin showing signs of wanting to get a change of scenery. He began to distance himself from band mates Krist Novoselic and Dave Grohl, spending more time with others such as Pat Smear and Eric Erlandson. His relationship with his wife, Courtney Love, began to deteriorate somewhat - or so it seems so based on some things we have learned. Some saw Kurt as being depressed and crippling under pressure, but others said that he was doing well considering the situation he was in. The last days of his life are now something of musical folklore - troubling, but at the same time a mystery. The body of a legend was found on April 8, 1994 and the rock world changed forever - for the worse, many think. His death certificate was signed only a day later, making it official that he had died of an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. Many copycat suicides followed - apparently there are over 70 to date - and many who had latched onto Nirvana's music felt empty and more angry than ever, being forced to return to the mundane grind of ordinary life.

It was not long before conspiracy theories arose, as they do in any case of this magnitude. Seattle journalist Richard Lee was the first who came out stating Cobain was murdered five days after the body was found, renaming his public access show from 'Now See It Person to Person' to 'Was Kurt Cobain Murdered?' - soon morphing to 'Kurt Cobain was Murdered'. He has done over 500 episodes, with some content being available on his site. The theory did not attract as much attention until a private investigator named Tom Grant came forward with a claim that surprised many - that he had been Courtney Love's private investigator, and in the process came to the conclusion she was involved in a conspiracy to murder her husband. He presented his case on nationally-syndicated radio shows and it began to spread on the Internet. Eventually a book was published on the matter that was fairly successful. To this day, sites continue to be updated keeping track of the murder theories. Tom Grant continues to sell case manuals. Hank Harrison, Courtney Love's father, is looking to publish a book in the near future. Richard Lee continues to do his television program, Now See It Person to Person.

Did these theories have any merit? Some aspects of them made a lot of sense. Many now believe there is still unsettled business with Cobain. A final chapter in the saga of Kurt Cobain continues to be written.